So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
