I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
