I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Randomize
