that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
