Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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