yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
