I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
