i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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