The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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