theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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