Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
