please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
