i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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