I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
