Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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