Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
