Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
