Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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