I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
