Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
