My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
