I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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