so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
