Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sobbing to NWA
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
