Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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