Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
