on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
