She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
