No stitches, just platelets and will power
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
