True but thats because hes a fetus.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
