Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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