No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
