In the future we'll all be gay
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
