Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
