hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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