3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
