I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
