Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
