So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
