I need help removing her.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
