hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
