well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
