It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
