and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
the raccoons are back...
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