Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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