I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
