You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
