READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
