so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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