I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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