She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
