I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
