I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
