Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
