Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
