Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
