Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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