I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
